My Vow of Silence

My Vow of Silence (And Why You Should Try a Silent Vacation)

The answer is simple: to awaken awareness.

Most of us fall through our days in a kind of trance-like state. We don’t notice the details of what’s going on around us, because we’re so busy living in the past and the future that what’s happening right now simply becomes a technicality that needs to be dealt with in order to get to our next destination.

A little experiment:

When you drive from point A to point B, can you remember what you saw on the way when you get out of the car?  Or were you so preoccupied that your brain just sort of edited in your surroundings, without you actually having exact cognizance of your ride?

By cultivating awareness you wake up to each moment of your life, to experience it fully and actively, and to snap out of autopilot.  Awareness means you are present, you have clarity, you see broadly, and you’re awake.

One of the ways in which you can cultivate your own awareness is to actively break routines in your life.  The moment you break your routine in a significant way, you wake up to it.  You bring yourself into the present.  It becomes clear whether the action has value for you or not.

Taking a vow of silence is one way to give your life a bit of a shake and to allow awareness to flood into your life.

What Is It

There are two types of Vows of Silence:

Private

…happens in a retreat setting or in a monastery.  The person is removed from their usual day-to-day environment, and the vow of silence is often coupled with long hours of meditation, dietary restrictions and other forms of purification.

The person is cut off from all communication with the outside world: all stimuli is removed, phones switched off and other devices confiscated, offering the participant the opportunity to turn their intention inwards and to really look closely at themselves, their emotions and to delve through the deluge of stuff that usually comes pouring out in this kind of process.

The person is supported by other people who share their environment, and if for whatever reason they are required to leave, someone will accompany them to speak or converse on their behalf.  It may last for any length of time, anywhere from a couple of days to a lifetime commitment.

Public

…does not happen in isolation.  The person does not completely retreat from society, and they are still required to interact with their environment and other people – the extent to which completely depends on their needs and desires.

The aims of such a vow are slightly different to that of a private vow of silence, because it’s not a complete “silence” in the sense of ceasing all communication.  It is most commonly used as a form of protest, or to focus attention.

For the past twenty three days, I took a public vow of silence.

Silence allows you to watch your mind and become aware of the thoughts that you may be acting on unconsciously. When you see the thoughts, you can make a conscious choice to act on the thought or change your mind, instead of going along with the noise. I have seen people who don't want to look at themselves keep going until something happens that makes them stop — a sickness or an accident — but it gives them that reflective, quiet space where they can face what is difficult in their mind. We each have a unique purpose to fulfill in this life and inklings can come in those quiet moments. ~Swami Radhananda

Disappointment^.^

i wrote this awhile ago and thought i’d put it up.

i haven’t said it yet, not sure if i will, it’s probably the most powerful phrase a parent can wield on their child, more painful than any spanking, more thought provoking than anything a raised voice could deliver, and a useful tool to get a person to actually think about their actions.

What am i talking about? 

The monotone uttering of “I’m disappointed in you.” the most effective delivery is the following: you must hold your jaw so that your teeth are only a quarter of an inch apart, spoken from your mouth using your lips, almost a whisper – forcing the sound from your throat. Of course a dead eyed stare upon delivery helps as well. When someone says this to you, there is nothing you can do. You can’t argue with it. Walking away in quiet contemplation is about all you got. Do you remember the first time you heard it? Well, perhaps not the first time, but I guarantee that more than a few of you know the situation that caused a masterful delivery of that phrase by someone in your life.

Disappointment.

See, I think all of us seek the approval of an adult in our lives, the approval of someone we look up to, we all want to hear the opposite of disappointment, and we want to make them proud. Perhaps it was an adult early on, and now you seek the approval of someone else. I know that when my kids grow up in the future I will want them to be proud of me, to see me as a person that they can count on, but I think their is something profound in letting a loved one down. not that I aim for it, it may have looked that way sometimes, but when you disappoint someone you are not the only one forced to contemplate the expectations. The person who is disappointed had better be examining their vision of you, what they want to see in you, and ultimately your relationship. We can, sometimes unknowingly, load loved ones with unrealistic and ridiculous expectations; we do it to ourselves too. I believe in high standards, I live my life expecting a lot from myself and those that I am around – i know this.

disappointing someone is not something that you purposefully do, it is something that someone thinks you have done to them. there are times we need to be more aware of those around us and understand our role in their lives, but there are times when people in our lives need to be forced to understand that we are not purposefully hurting them, but doing what we feel is right, and perhaps that shouldn’t lead to disappointment, but a further understanding of one another’s lives.

I have been thinking a lot lately about disappointment. Sounds a little depressing when I re-read that sentence, but trust me you won’t need any Kleenex after reading this blog. One of my BIG issues I worked on when I was on The Biggest Loser was disappointment. It wasn’t featured a ton, but it was the biggest piece of my puzzle. See, you all know by now how type A I am by nature, and to my detriment I can be pretty controlling. Ah, control….well, I tried to control everything (which is impossible) and it got me to 284lbs at my highest. In my mind I always convinced myself that by keeping such tight control of things I was being “productive” & “driven”. Ha. Ha. Ha. It was a very candid conversation with Bob Harper that really turned my thinking around. He simply said, “You spend so much time and effort trying to keep all these balls in the air…what would happen if you let one of them drop?”. I will tell you that even hearing him say those words made me sweat! Let a ball DROP? That is enough stress to drive me to eating a whole sheet cake alone, but the more I thought about it the more I realized that if I dropped a ball the earth would still turn & I would not die. He challenged me to really spend some time thinking about that concept. As I began to dig into this issue I will tell you that I couldn’t for the life of me come up with a reason why I feared letting go. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks….well, actually that ton of bricks happened to come in the form of Jillian Michaels. She simply said, “Honey, you can’t let go of control because you are terrified of disappointment.” Um, WHAT?? In that moment it became very clear. She was right…I was afraid of disappointment. You know in cartoons when the light bulb turns on…it was like that. I avoided really putting my self out there in my career, relationships, & really life itself to avoid being disappointed. The biggest area where this manifested was in my struggle with weight loss. Don’t get me wrong…I was always on a diet, but I NEVER really tried because that way if I failed it was because I did it half way & wouldn’t be disappointed. In my mind disappointment = weakness & failure. Whew….that’s a mouthful.

Have I fixed all this? I’ll say that I have made HUGE strides, but it’s a work in progress. I find myself at times trying to control things & I have to step back and adjust. The joy in that is the awareness…it’s half the battle right? Also, I look at disappointment in a very different way. I no longer fear it…do I like it…no, but who does? That being said I look at disappointment as an opportunity to overcome. If I set a goal & fall flat on my face…I allow myself to take a moment & be disappointed, but then get up brush myself off & set a new goal. You know why? Well, if you fall or fail the earth keeps on turning & you won’t die. Trust me…Bob said so. By getting up it gives you one more chance to achieve, and I just love that.

xoxoxox,

What does a thriving life mean?

The well-being community speak of a flourishing life.

Flourishing implies more than being happy it includes the idea of living in a way that involves healthy thought and action, in mind, body and spirit.  The rewards of a full and flourishing life are happiness and well-being.

The most interesting and relevant research findings into what contributes to a flourishing life tell us the importance of:

Feeling good, being grateful, being curious and open minded, acting generously, choosing wisely, living meaningfully, having self-acceptance and being sociable.

Research into this subject appears to be confirming old ideas about character and living a ‘good’ life. All traditional stories that teach us about this subject however, are clothed in metaphor or tale, being a ‘good’ person gets rewarded and attending to character traits that endear you to others is the key to a ‘good’ life and reward. Positive psychology has collided with moral philosophy and spiritual practices and the reward is well-being and happiness.

All stories are really about good character and the courage to learn and face challenges. This is in essence at the core of every Hollywood story and the ‘reward’ is as likely to be happiness through personal fulfillment and self-discovery as material gain. The guy gets the girl because he wins himself first (or vice versa).

The stuff of tales – courage, generosity, wisdom, and honor depends on self-knowledge and belief combined with the ability to look beyond the self, to the needs of others. Stop for a moment and think about what in your life has given you the most lasting sense of well-being – when you felt truly yourself, a moment or event that caused you to feel great long afterwards. I bet it either affected other people or was something that involved a challenge.

Altruism is not self-denial it is the employment of empathy and imagination. When combined with that horrible word responsibility, we own up to the fact that our lives are not separate but intricately interdependent and our actions matter.

A flourishing live is an integrated life, living a life that is both fulfilling to yourself as well as those around you and beyond. A flourishing life can begin with a smile and always has a story to tell.

The power of your thoughts.

Gravity is so virtual we can only measure its effects.  Your thoughts are as powerful as gravity. 

What you think effects not only your experience of the world but effects and creates the world.

We cannot measure the power of human thought but we live with its effects.

What you think about other people has effect.

In a very powerful study, one teacher was given a class and told how lucky she was as she had all the bright children, and another teacher was told the opposite – bad luck, you have all the difficult stupid kids. Actually all the children had been randomly assigned to each class but the effect on the achievements of both classes was significantly different.

 Think the best of the next person you talk to.

Victor Frankl uses the analogy of flying against a strong cross-wind; you have to aim ahead of where you are going to get there because the wind is blowing you off course. Seeing other people this way has the same effect; seeing and believing in the full potential someone holds will support them becoming who they are, rather than seeing them ‘as they are’ and letting the head wind blow them back...^..^.

Curiosity – a key ingredient to wellbeing.

Are you open and curious or do you hold on to rigid expectations?

Being open to new (and old) experiences and open to continuous learning, having a growth as opposed to a fixed mind-set, has a great effect on every aspect of your happiness and well-being.

Research is showing that having a growth mind-set rather than being fixed in how we see the world is an important distinction between people who thrive and those who don’t.

People with a growth mind-set never stop learning.  Your ability to adapt and learn is a key component of your happiness and well-being.

We all face challenges and change, and having an attitude that embraces personal growth happens when we are willing to learn. Setbacks and failure are opportunities to improve and grow. People with a growth mind-set love challenges and new experiences.

Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.

Love Yourself for Goodness Sake and Spontaneously Create Love for Others

It's amazing how Samoa Girl Scout cookies wake me up right when I'm about to fall alseep

I swear, they put drugs in those cookies, they're so delicious

Love Yourself for Goodness Sake is a campaign we launched recently at our Loving Abundance site, emphasizing on the need to use our power of creativity to produce a better life for ourselves and others by first loving our self.

Dr. Deepak Chopra was one of the many teachers who inspired us to take this move. In his book The Spontaneous Fulfillment of Desire, he spoke of the 7 Sutras that help us recognize the miracles that happen everyday of our lives and our capacity to manifest our dreams.

The Sutra, Tat Tvam Asi meaning "I see the other in myself and myself in others", caught my attention deeply. As I went further into understanding the concept I realized its value in my life and spent weeks meditating about it and going through the exercises given in the book.

Here's how it went for me. I discovered that the very qualities I

loved about others were the same qualities I loved about myself and the very traits I hated in others were the very same traits I abhorred in mine. The realization kept me dumb founded for a time. It was to no wonder now, why I loved certain people and detested certain types.

 I found myself being more aware of how my spirit was responding to everyone one I met, be they online or “live” in my midst. It became clearer to me then of why certain people rubbed me the wrong way. It was not to their fault really, it was more the fault of how I viewed myself. Soon I was able to identify the attributes, habits, practices, and manners that I found hard to accept in myself. Yes, apparently, I found many things about me hard to swallow. I tried to deny its presence in me. I rejected any semblance of them in my daily life which of course extended to the people around me, be they family, friends, clients or acquaintance. Can you imagine therefore, the many ways I was actually rejecting people in my life without me knowing about it?!

The more I thought of this reality the more I became determined to correct this error and use the power of creativity to help me along the way. Self acceptance would be the jump off point.  The Carpenters aptly displayed this need when they wrote the lyrics; "You’ve got to love me for who I am for simply being me” Accepting the good in us together with the not so good and everything else in between in our self is full acceptance of who we are. But then again, how can self acceptance come easily. It doesn’t --- unless we first start with unconditional love. Unconditional love knows no boundaries. It sets no limits. It demands not a single criterion. Unconditional love simply is. Unconditional love accepts what is, as is, period.

Our creative juices began to flow and the next thing we knew we were on to spreading the need to love the self with unconditional love through video campaigns and articles. It made sense. Encouraging love of self is tantamount to encouraging the love for others as others are mirrors of our selves. In this scenario self acceptance becomes easier.

A poet once said “a man born blind can never know the meaning of darkness for he has never seen the light”. These lines explain the necessity of accepting both our ‘good’ side and our ‘bad’ side as they serve as a measuring tool with which we can gauge our personal growth.  In a place where there, inside us is the quiet co-existence of both pleasant and unpleasant sides -- we are also able to recognize the reality that each one of us is “a work in progress.”

Love yourself for goodness sake and create a more loving relationship with others.

Caaaaaann, anybody

Where the heck did March go?

I could've sworn it just started

This week is gonna be nuts

Every week has been nuts

Next week will be chill

Next next week will be absolutely ridiculous

Can anyone come up with a catchy slogan for me?

uhmm...or just missing my chocolatessssssssssss????hehehe^.^>